This is kind of an F*** You to Anxiety btw….
You know when you have something in your mind and you’re really not sure how it’s going to turn out when you start typing. I think this is going to be one of those posts, but we’ll see how this goes!
You may have read my previous post where I spoke about my anxiety coping mechanisms and hopefully you found that somewhat useful if you yourself suffer with anxiety, but I want this post to be different. This is really going to be more of a ‘put everything you’re thinking down and hopefully you feel better’ kind of thing, but it may be of use to you reading this as well (I hope).
You know that well know phrase ‘life is too short’ well I know it seems very stereotypical but over the past few weeks I’ve been really thinking about it and thinking about the purpose of my life.
Before you think ‘oh God here we go again’ no I’m going to go on about miserable shit and get you all down. In Fact, I wanna talk about what it is I’m going to focus on and how I’m going to live my life to the full – despite shitty anxiety getting very much in the way.
The thing I keep telling myself if that anxiety isn’t a foreign object, it’s not something you can buy or remove. It very much exists in your brain, and therefore it’s a part of you. GREAT thing is, if that’s the case, then I can decide whether I want it to affect me, or whether I ride it out and let it do it’s thing.
Letting Uncomfortable Feelings Pass
I was listening to Sophie Milner and Millie Cotton’s podcast – keeping it candid the other day (highly recommend btw) and they had a special guest on, Grace Victory, and she was talking about anxiety and mental health, and the thing that really stuck in my mind is when they were talking about dealing with being sad and coping with your emotions etc, and Grace said it’s okay to not deal with everything right away, and to sit in these uncomfortable feelings for a while and just let it pass. And this is something I have definitely been doing after listening to that.
I often find that when I’m feeling anxious, worried and panicky, I feel so uncomfortable with these thoughts and physical symptoms that I want to get rid of it straight away, and often that makes it a lot worse as it stresses me out even more (hello vicious cycle). So now, I’m just trying to embrace anxiety and the symptoms (as weird as that sound) as after all, it’s a normal response and it’s not harmful so why panic about it. It has really helped and I’ve noticed how quickly it ‘goes away’ when I don’t focus on it.
Onward and Upwards
The past few months haven’t been so bad and I can definitely see a slight improvement, but from the end of 2017 to most of 2018 so far I really haven’t been me, and I haven’t been enjoying my life like I have in the past. And this is TOTALLY down to anxiety. Why? Why am I throwing my life away because of something that is part of me? Well here’s the thing. This isn’t going to be easy, and guaranteed it’s not going to be a quick fix. BUT I’m not having it any more. I’m not letting it rule my life and control what I gd on this planet, because we won’t be here forever.
- You’re not going to stop me from going out and enjoying myself
- You’re not going to tell me trains/public transport is dangerous
- You’re not going to get in the way or my career and work
- You’re not going stop me from going to the shops on my own and enjoy my own company
- You’re not going to constantly give me doubt something is wrong with me
- You’re not going to rule my life and tell me how I should live it
It sounds mad, but I’ve really been taking in little things as I go about my day-to-day life and thinking how I’m 25 now and although it’s not exactly old, I’m not 10 anymore and I will soon be in my 30’s and I’ve kind of hit pause on my life throughout my 20’s which really isn’t great!
Rather than saying ‘no’ to things, I’m going to start saying ‘yes’ and although even the simplest of tasks will be hard, I am going to push myself and feel uncomfortable and just ride it. I’ll only regret it when I’m turning 40 and haven’t done anything because of my anxiety.
So, it’s onward and upwards from here.
Lots of love,